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Pastel​/​/​Anguish

by Abandoncy

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1.
Bittersweet sundowning - in the sun scorched streets soft and supple - mid-dusk banality severe my feelings destitute fledglings devoid of ending this sadist city wall up the city vacate the building hollow the body walk, lock-step fascist coo dry-hide dissidents for nothing in this orgiastic nihilistic country No dissent - your suburban living in the - red-lined inner city and when you - come for you: Seal the door There's no exit
2.
All those saving graces that I've never seen sliding fingers past your lips to feel something your Rust Belt resilient Dust Bowl exegesis Stories you tell your malnourished indecencies I am your misanthropic monolith: your violent fetishist I am reflecting you in a computer-tv-screen: just disburden me I am your solipsism in the folds of this great: epoch-filled-shame I want to see your every guilt and punishment for being towards your own death like some coke cornered affluence I want to feel into your regret
3.
in the city winter lights I can hear his labored sigh as he chokes on life sirens call it: sunrise is it your time? his? or your father's? simulacra: seal my mouth with dirt simulacra: ephemeral worth encapsulate the silence breathing spirits trembling numb fingers grasp for it just like the aphorist it's all myth it's worthless everything in life has a fee everything in life has a fee everything in life has a fee everything in life has a fee the burden is living
4.
Bloatfly 03:51
Envy - Transference In the midst of - Joy... - Joy Restless all these years... - Too restless To crawl back... - to your hearth Terse with... - Distance No July... - Chorus Thinner than... - Alabaster Telephone static... Soren-Bonaparte... Pilate wash my hands clean
5.
Eulogy-fatigue-paralysis acting out per-sed lips the static-image-dichotomy mouthing the invocation I gave you magenta high noon I paint you in harsh relief I pine for reoccurrence But settle for the cadence Walk taught line composure to the clay-Missouri-dirt the final moral shame mouthing the incantation I gave you magenta high noon I paint you in harsh relief I pine for reoccurrence But settle for the sleight that never came
6.
7.
I'm sitting here - a gulf between the truth and bringing you relief, as you tell me - another body succumbs to the cancer in our genes, just like the booze, just like the nicotine, it all wears off, runs out, to bleed into another casket-funeral render the familiar: Elegiac trope. ...supine decay... ...fester stoic grace... ...just stay... ...a little more time... ...to convince myself you've already died. ruminate on who's to blame pallbear your fading years self-deceive carrying this weight after the sun is laid down, I lie, inert on the wall shadow play the sequences, convince myself of their mirth; All those sordid and austere, so called better years, bleak in their afterglow, look worse in your dying days, I alone am to blame, for estranging me, and in the face of your death, I alone, am the one who left

credits

released February 25, 2022

Recorded at Farewell Transmission in KCMO by Morgan Reed Greenwood March 2021.
Produced by Abandoncy.
Mixed by Morgan Greenwood
Mastered by Greg Obis @ Chicago Mastering Service
Artwork by Caroline Harrison

Damian: guitar/vox
Lincoln: bass/vox
Morgan: drums/percussion
Assorted sounds by everyone

Eternal thanks to Max, Hop and Farewell Transmission for allowing us to record there and being a home to us.

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Abandoncy Kansas City, Missouri

Three big nerds in search of the big riff yonder

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